*WARNING* - Contains swear words and shocking statements - if you don't want to read the Mormon swearing - don't read further - also...
If you're a man, I recommend you stop reading this posting - now. If you continue to read, you may feel like castrating yourself at the end of reading this. You've been warned.
Was talking to a man friend today about my annoyance with men who all of a sudden have noticed that I am a woman. It's true that - well - my entire life, I have been looked over and ignored simply because - perhaps I wasn't pleasing to the eye. I've come to the realization that all men (even the really nice ones) are shallow bastards. It's true, they only want one thing, and if you don't meet the requirements of what pleases them for that one thing, then you are overlooked. The fact is - that if you are fat - you are overlooked. Now what pisses me off most of all is that I was fat - I was 270 pounds or thereabouts for most of my adult life, and now that I am not - men who never looked at me, never noticed me, never even acknowledged that I was a human being nor would have are now noticing me and are ogling me, and are generally making asses of themselves. Listen pal, I may have changed, but YOU HAVE NOT, and I'm not interested. I realize that I'm in quite a dilemma at the moment, because I'm screwed either way - men are bastards - no matter what state my body is in. I suppose my newest requirement (just made this one up - this minute) is if you want to date me - you must show me the picture of your ex girlfriend who happens to be 250 pounds, and then you must tell me the sad story about how she broke your heart. Then, perhaps I might consider dating you. I'm screwed really - I'll never find that kind of sincerity in a man.
Here's the thing really - I'm still me. I may have changed physically, but inside I'm still the same person. Who I am really has not, nor will it ever change. People generally see me as a nice person (so I'm told). I'm not always nice - anyone who has lived with me will tell you that. I stand up for myself from time to time, and all too often, I put my heart on the line where I ought not to. I suppose I always have, and always will wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm so tired of it being broken, though I know that is where it belongs - on my sleeve. I wouldn't be me if it weren't. Anyway, not many people, only a very small handful have really gotten to know who I am. I can count on one hand the people who know me inside out, and likely - none of them are reading this blog. Very few people have taken the time to see that I'm a sensitive, caring, passionate, thoughtful, intelligent, matriarchal, woman. No man has ever taken the time to figure out that I have desires and wants just like they do. Freak - if they only knew. 9 times out of 10 the really freaky women are NOT the ones wearing their breasts on the outside of their shirts, but the ones all buttoned up. Anyway, I'm not going to go on about that, but the point is - men are stupid, and they are far too easily influenced by what they see.
I'm moving to another country, and I think - good grief - who in this new land - just who - is going to actually take the time to get to know me - the real me. How am I going to be able to tell who's into me, and not just what I can do for them? I'm going to have to pull that - have you ever dated a 250 pound woman test I think. Frankly - I'm the same person, and I was always beautiful. I am not, nor have I ever been freaking chopped liver. I'm prime rib for crying out loud. (gosh, I wish I really believed that) It's really too bad you never noticed that before, because - now it's too late - you had your chance. Dammit, where's Johnny Lingo when you need him?!?! Why can't all men be freaking Johnny Lingo?
Check out part 1 and 2 to get the whole story. The point is - that Mahanna was always beautiful. Johnny saw that from the beginning. Does Johnny even exist in our world? Is it possilbe to find Johnny Lingo?
I also realize that I likely won't get any dates out of this posting. I really don't care. I didn't want to date shallow men anyway. If you're a man, and you've made it through this posting without wanting to castrate yourself, then please - by all means - make a comment and do your best to convince me that I'm wrong. I'd so like to be wrong.