Now With Music...

Ok, you may have noticed that I now have music on my blog. I debated a long time about whether or not I should. However, I noticed that when I visited my friend Katie's blog how warm and friendly hers felt with just that added touch of music. Every time I visit Katie's blog, I feel welcome. So, I thought I'd give it a try. I built a playlist that represents quite accurately the very wide range of music I enjoy. It's quite broad ranging and may be a bit surprising to some of you. Remember there's 159 selections on there, so if you really can't stand a song, push the next button, or the pause button, or just turn your sound off. The options are endless. Haha. So, hopefully you enjoy it. If not, too bad. I'll probably get sick of it after a while anyway if I'm really honest about it, however, it's something new and fun to play with...

My Least Favorite Holiday

Something to think about when you're hacking up pumpkins this week...



Perhaps it's a bit dark...

Right In Line With What I've Been Learning...

Still awake. Still on a sugar high, evidently. Anyway, I've been listening to this...

http://broadcast.lds.org/genconf/2008/10/60/GRSM_2008_10_608_UchtdorfDF_04903_eng_.mp3

It's President Dieter Uchtdorf's talk from Women's Conference this past September. President Uchtdorf is a member of the First Presidency of the entire organization of the my Church - worldwide, and he is considered a Prophet in our faith. So, what he says for me and millions of others carries quite a bit of weight. His talk goes right along with what I've been learning lately about myself, and my worth, and my relationship with my God. I love his German accent. It brings me comfort for some strange reason. Haha. Thought I'd share it. Hope you enjoy it.

If you can't listen due to technical difficulties, you can read it here...

http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-37,00.html

Learned - A Painful Lesson

Drug Dealer - thy name is CRAVE!!!

This blog may contain negative words - it's the sugar talking. So, as you know, yesterday was my first crave experience. It was overall pleasant, however, today I thought I'd be brave and try again because - I don't do guilt, and there they were - sitting there - waiting for me to come and buy and eat. I figure it's quite sensible to buy one now and then. 2 days in a row may be pushing it, however - thought I'd give it a try again. I now wish I had payed attention to the forboding feeling telling me not to. Well, I went in there - it was the end of the day, and for some - very strange reason - they had surplus cupcakes. I guess she said they were about to sell out, but got one last shipment in from the bakery (which is elsewhere in the city I take it). So, instead of throwing them out, she offered me one free one to go with the one I bought. I thought - ooh - that's not a good idea, however, I relented - thinking I would wait until tomorrow - at breakfast to enjoy it. I believe breakfast may actually be the best time to eat high calorie foods. However, the second one didn't last until morning - no indeed. After I had enjoyed the first one - which was the CraveOLicious - I guess - their signature cupcake. Chocolate cupcake smothered in blue vanilla icing...



I apparently had to have the second one. Why not? It's only a cupcake - for crying out loud. So, I had the Lemon-lime twist one that I had hoped to save until morning. It's a white lemon cupcake with creamy green lime butter icing...



Immediately after I finished my second cupcake - I had the full feeling in my stomach - the one which feels like a little bit too much. Apparently it was a lot too much - because my head started spinning out of control about 10 minutes later. No, I don't have diabetes, I am insulin resistant, but have managed to avoid the big D. You would think I was having a major high blood sugar though, considering how bad I felt. Now I'm completely dead - totally crashed right out. Basically, I feel like I had a really bad acid trip - not that I know what a bad acid trip feels like - but let's call this Becky's bad acid trip shall we?

I guess - my body doesn't tolerate large quantities of refined sugar anymore. I used to work with a lady - some of you may remember - who made these AMAZING sugar cookies for every single holiday. They were the kind that were really good sugar cookies to begin with, but were smothered in the most elaborate icing designs - that made you want to gobble their pretty little selves right up. I used to be able to sit and eat about a dozen without blinking an eye. They were quite large too. Well, I suppose I should be happy to be able to say that I really can't tolerate large quantities of sugar anymore. However, I do wish I didn't feel so awful right now. I guess I've learned my lesson.

Yes, this is a prime example of how enjoying your food is very important. Enjoying the eating part, and also enjoying the digesting. If you're not enjoying one or the other of these parts, then - I guess you know your answer as to whether or not you should eat it.

I think I need some Ibuprofen. I'm in so much pain. My head actually hurts. I must go and drink LARGE quantities of water now...

I Took Some Pictures For You

I've had a few of these pics sitting on my cell phone waiting to be shared via blog for a while. Sometimes I do that, I'll see something and think - oh, I can share that with my bloggies. Haha, so then I take a picture of it thinking I'll share it later, and get busy doing other things, thinking of other things... life takes over and I forget the wee pictures sitting on my cell phone. So, here's a few...

The girls and I went to check out (yet another) restaurant that was this time a recommendation by my friend who actually resides in Scotland. That Jonas has connections everywhere it seems. ;-) It's a Hungarian restaurant called "Jonas Restaurant" down on 6th avenue. It was really good. We each between us had the Chicken Paprikash or the Cabbage Rolls. I admit, I had never had Hungarian, and it was quite a nice surprise. I did notice a lot of men in the restaurant. Girls, if you're looking for where the men go for lunch downtown - this is it. Go, and order the cabbage rolls, I heard they were fantastic, as I had the Chicken Paprikash - which was also good, but evidently not as fantastic as the Cabbage Rolls. Haha.



The Chicken Paprikash



The Cabbage Rolls - mmm

Next picture is totally random. It's proof that Fidela actually has the capability to make an imperfect Lumpia. Anyone who knows Fidela knows her Lumpia are always immaculate. However, in Fidela fashion, this one tasted just as good, in fact better for it's imperfections. Yes - it was the best Lumpia I ever had. How I will miss my Filipina Mummy. She better come and visit me in Scotland...



The next I may get in trouble for, and will definitely hear about tomorrow. Heehee. Linda - here's proof of the culprits who decorated your brand new workstation...



Alright, I admit, I was responsible for the severed hand on your mouse. That was me.

Next I have a picture of the Crave Cupcake I finally had an opportunity to try - guilt free. Haha. You know, I've heard about these Crave Cupcakes from absolutely everybody. They're just down the street from my work, and so I thought - why not give it a try. So, $3.10 later :-$ I enjoyed the "Dirty Blonde" cupcake. Yes, they all have names. Apparently they're the Bernard Callebaut of cupcakes. It was pretty good, I admit. I mean - the icing was VERY chocolately and smooth, and the cake part was good and smooth and tasty. So, for a woman who's had her ups and downs this week, it was welcomed.



So now a brief review of a lovely gem of a place which the girls accidentally discovered on 17th Avenue between 4th and 5th street called the European Bakery. Yum, yum, yum. They have this stuff called Burek (which I had never heard of, but now love) which is fantastic - anything savory and pastried, I am in love with. However, I'm sure it's got 5000 calories in a serving. Again, I don't care, and I don't feel guilty eating it because if I enjoy my food, then it's worth it. I really ought to write a diet book called the enjoyment diet. Hmm, I bet it's been done. Anyway, they have Burek, and every kind of pastry imaginable. I also enjoyed an Orangina...







The treasured Burek and Orangina Lunch


The Staff there are fantastic too. They're so nice, and authentically European.

Last but not least, I've been feeling a bit nostalgic (I guess it's to be expected) about my home city. I do complain about it a lot, but the truth is, regardless of how it's changed, it's still the city I grew up in, and there's lots of things I'll miss. I've taken to taking long walks whenever I can. Tonight, I took a highly therapeutic walk practically half way home (which is really quite far) For anyone who knows Calgary I walked from the RRDTC (the old Children's Hospital) down 17th Avenue to 4th Street, up 4th Street to Elbow Drive, walked along the river, and all the way to Chinook Mall and Station. So, that's a pretty far walk, but it was a nice evening, and I need to treasure my time - you know. Anyway, along my walk, I was given a moment to appreciate some of the beauties that God has given us. When I got to the bridge on Elbow Drive near Riverdale, there was a lovely Sunset waiting just for me...



I bet all of those people in a rush to get home in their cars missed it entirely. That's the beauty of walking everywhere, nothing escapes your notice. But, I don't know how anybody could miss that...

What Is Life - But To Enjoy?

I have decided...

Not to believe any negative self talk anymore. I also don't believe in guilt, or anxiety, or depression. What is there to feel guilty for? Why should I feel anxious or depressed or angry? What's the purpose of that? I suppose what it is, is that I've been fed guilt ALL of my life - bless them - they didn't know how it would harm me, as it harmed them, and anybody else who's been fed that nonsense. God says - "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" Women are that they might have joy as well. We are here in this life to enjoy it. It's not just a nice idea, but a commandment. It's been a commandment for me lately - in my personal prayer and dealings with God. It's a principle we can apply in every aspect of life...

With food for instance; when one is overweight (take it from me, I know) they don't enjoy their food. They eat it quickly, and lots of it, but they really don't taste it or enjoy it or take the time to enjoy it. It's just something they feel compelled to do, so they do it. When one takes the time to enjoy their food, taste it, make it an enjoyable and pleasant experience, they are more likely to eat less because they have taken the time to enjoy it. They are also more likely to have joy in food. We can apply that principle to every aspect of life. Take the time to enjoy it, and it will be well worth the effort. Or rather - the non-effort. Well, not that effort is unpleasant either. I mean - there's joy in a job well done, for sure. But, if you're not enjoying it, then it's really not worth it, is it? This is my new motto in life - If you're not enjoying it, it's not worth it. Yep, that's it - definitely my new motto.

You'll notice my post today is quite opposite to last week's postings. Well the reason for this is, I knew where to turn to, and I found the light I needed. I get it - loud and clear. Enjoy life, and don't feed yourself anymore of that crap you've been fed all your life. In fact, stop saying things like crap, and try really hard to use positive words.

It will be hard, but I'll try. :-)



Thanks Bunny and Marsha. I'll miss you.

On The Lighter Side...

My posts have been very intense lately. I'm not usually such an intense person. It's just lately - you know - changes, and life, and challenges along the way, not making it easy for me, etc. That happens anytime you're about to do something important. Have you noticed? Well, anyway, the plan to move is very much a go, and I'm not looking back. So, enough with it already. Gosh!!! Here's a lovely video I took last week-end at family Thanksgiving dinner. It's my sweet nephew and his best friend - the doggy. His best friend cost a mere $6 at Ikea his Mummy tells me. It's his bestest friend in the universe. Wouldn't it be nice if relationships were that kind of simple sometimes? He sings a little song to his best friend - it goes *doggy, doggy, doggy*. Haha. He's so stinking cute. Yes, alright, I'm feeling slightly maternal lately. Enjoy the video. I do - every time I see it.

Reconciliation

100th post!!!

Lots to say. Well, I guess - I will repent and say - yes - non-shallow men exist. Non-shallow women exist too. Johnny Lingo exists. My best friend's Dad is definitely Johnny Lingo. (Dangit he's already married) Ok, prime example. A few people have pointed out to me recently (since reading my tirades) a fair number of examples of men who date 250 lb (at least) women AND yes they would be heartbroken if they were dumped by them. So, yes I've seen it, with my own eyes. It's just so rare, that one gets jaded. Plus, with it being so in my face everyday...

Never, ever before had I been noticed by men. Never. Since losing 110 pounds, the difference in attention received has been like night and day. I don't mean to toot my own horn, I suppose I should I worked for it; however, it still and probably always will annoy me considering the only thing I changed was my appearance and level of health. What I noticed today as well, is that it is human nature (even among obese people) to overlook people who are obese. Perhaps it's to do with the media. It can't be more in our face everyday than it is now - this obsession with appearance. People are obsessed with appearance, and young girls are currently on the starving fad because of stupid freaking Paris Hilton, and the like. Why would anyone want to be like her - or her ridiculous friends/enemies? Why is it so easy to fall into that trap? They start us young - they train us to hate ourselves, and think we need this and that to make ourselves more beautiful. It's all advertising. Sex sells. People generally find people who look more healthy in appearance to be sexier. (I don't know how they can possibly think those waifs are healthy) Alright, that's human nature. I suppose I can't deny that.

It's so important though, to realize that everybody on this planet is so much more than what they look like. What's in the human spirit is divinity itself. We are made in the image of God. Does anyone know what that means? It means that we are so much better than we see ourselves. Why do we put ourselves down so much? Why do we put so much stock in what the media tells us is beautiful or worthwile? Why not listen to a much more reliable source? Besides the whole divinity factor, there is so much more attraction in a person's personality (at least for me - I don't know about anyone else) anyway. If I meet someone who (after taking the time to get to know them) is shallow, or ignorant, or selfish I am far less likely to spend any more time getting to know them - however much divinity they might have in them deep down inside. I am more likely to fall for someone sincere, and kind, and smart than some stupid schmoe who makes more money and therefore thinks he's all that. I see these people all the time - I live in Calgary for goodness sake. I see a suit, it's another suit to me. No big deal.

I guess my point is - people are all just people. Though, each one is special in their own way; whether or not they choose to develop that special divinity inside is up to them. Shallowness doesn't take you very far. What you see, doesn't last forever. People get old, they get fat, they get skinny, they go bald, they develop cellulite and stretch marks, everybody is flawed physically. Every single person on the planet (unless they're perpetually preserved in formaldehyde or something) is flawed physically. Who friggin' cares? I want to go deeper and get past all that and get to know what makes them special. Some are with me - it seems. Lets go and convert the other 95% of the population.

Fine, I'm Shallow Too

Right, I realize today that yesterday's post was harsh. I realize that men and women really aren't that much different. We all have been known to be shallow. We all want to love and be loved. I mean - just the other day - there I was at work at one of my jobs, and a lovely young paramedic fellow came in - as they often do with a patient, and admittedly - I ogled. I definitely checked him out. Now, I'm sure that he's a lovely person, and that he does have much to offer as a human being to a relationship. However, I was mostly interested in him - in a physical aspect. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I am not shallow as well as men. I just wanted to clear the air on that one. Men are not alone in their shallowness. So then, I guess my new question is - having established that we are all shallow human beings - what is love? I have thought many times that I had found love, only to discover that it's so often one-sided. Often, I think - maybe this one is worthy of my love. Funny how it's a different kind of man every time - no 2 have ever been alike. Well, maybe 2 of them were, but I can't really go there. So then, I think I've found one that's worthy of my love, and pour all my efforts into making it work, only to discover that I'm wasting my efforts, because that person has already made up his mind to not make it work. Which is really really stupid, however, we all have agency. I don't know, maybe I'm picking the wrong men? Maybe I just give my love too easily? People just take it for granted? I don't know. However, today and recently, in my prayers, and in my personal lessons from my Heavenly Father, I've been learning to love myself. I don't really need a man to make me feel self actualized. I can love myself. God loves me. I have friends that love me. I would so very much like to feel the kind of love that 2 people can have together in a relationship, however, if I can't have that, I'll live because I know I don't need it - however much I want it.

My posts are getting entirely too personal. However, if I can help anyone else out there suffering what I'm suffering - by all means - read.

*P.S. - Still would like to know very much if Johnny Lingo exists. If so, send him my picture, and phone number please*

Please Tell Me I'm Wrong

*WARNING* - Contains swear words and shocking statements - if you don't want to read the Mormon swearing - don't read further - also...

If you're a man, I recommend you stop reading this posting - now. If you continue to read, you may feel like castrating yourself at the end of reading this. You've been warned.

Was talking to a man friend today about my annoyance with men who all of a sudden have noticed that I am a woman. It's true that - well - my entire life, I have been looked over and ignored simply because - perhaps I wasn't pleasing to the eye. I've come to the realization that all men (even the really nice ones) are shallow bastards. It's true, they only want one thing, and if you don't meet the requirements of what pleases them for that one thing, then you are overlooked. The fact is - that if you are fat - you are overlooked. Now what pisses me off most of all is that I was fat - I was 270 pounds or thereabouts for most of my adult life, and now that I am not - men who never looked at me, never noticed me, never even acknowledged that I was a human being nor would have are now noticing me and are ogling me, and are generally making asses of themselves. Listen pal, I may have changed, but YOU HAVE NOT, and I'm not interested. I realize that I'm in quite a dilemma at the moment, because I'm screwed either way - men are bastards - no matter what state my body is in. I suppose my newest requirement (just made this one up - this minute) is if you want to date me - you must show me the picture of your ex girlfriend who happens to be 250 pounds, and then you must tell me the sad story about how she broke your heart. Then, perhaps I might consider dating you. I'm screwed really - I'll never find that kind of sincerity in a man.

Here's the thing really - I'm still me. I may have changed physically, but inside I'm still the same person. Who I am really has not, nor will it ever change. People generally see me as a nice person (so I'm told). I'm not always nice - anyone who has lived with me will tell you that. I stand up for myself from time to time, and all too often, I put my heart on the line where I ought not to. I suppose I always have, and always will wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm so tired of it being broken, though I know that is where it belongs - on my sleeve. I wouldn't be me if it weren't. Anyway, not many people, only a very small handful have really gotten to know who I am. I can count on one hand the people who know me inside out, and likely - none of them are reading this blog. Very few people have taken the time to see that I'm a sensitive, caring, passionate, thoughtful, intelligent, matriarchal, woman. No man has ever taken the time to figure out that I have desires and wants just like they do. Freak - if they only knew. 9 times out of 10 the really freaky women are NOT the ones wearing their breasts on the outside of their shirts, but the ones all buttoned up. Anyway, I'm not going to go on about that, but the point is - men are stupid, and they are far too easily influenced by what they see.

I'm moving to another country, and I think - good grief - who in this new land - just who - is going to actually take the time to get to know me - the real me. How am I going to be able to tell who's into me, and not just what I can do for them? I'm going to have to pull that - have you ever dated a 250 pound woman test I think. Frankly - I'm the same person, and I was always beautiful. I am not, nor have I ever been freaking chopped liver. I'm prime rib for crying out loud. (gosh, I wish I really believed that) It's really too bad you never noticed that before, because - now it's too late - you had your chance. Dammit, where's Johnny Lingo when you need him?!?! Why can't all men be freaking Johnny Lingo?



Check out part 1 and 2 to get the whole story. The point is - that Mahanna was always beautiful. Johnny saw that from the beginning. Does Johnny even exist in our world? Is it possilbe to find Johnny Lingo?

I also realize that I likely won't get any dates out of this posting. I really don't care. I didn't want to date shallow men anyway. If you're a man, and you've made it through this posting without wanting to castrate yourself, then please - by all means - make a comment and do your best to convince me that I'm wrong. I'd so like to be wrong.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is here again, and everybody is eating Turkey, and yams, and spending time with family. I'm having dinner later today myself. I really look forward to those yams with the marshmallows my brother-in-law does. Also, the dressing - probably my favorite thing of all.

However, with all these Thanksgiving traditions (it's the same at Christmas), we often forget what the Holiday is for. Thanksgiving is a time where we enjoy the harvest, and the bounties that the earth has provided, and we thank the being that has provided for us. That being that provided everything for us is different for everybody - for there are many different belief systems in the world. I was asked to speak in church today on Gratitude in honor of the holiday. So, I'm going to share with you my talk as it was given - in a Mormon church, with very Mormon references and quotations. So, pretend you're in church listening to it. Also, let me know what you think....

GRATITUDE

I began preparing this talk by listing the things I was grateful for. The list included various levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, as well as some wants. The truth is, that we are all blessed with so much on this earth – and more especially in this country, and in this church than we ever take thought for. My list included things like...

Employment
A Place to live
Food to eat from the bounty of the earth
Clothes to Wear
Homeostasis
The Right to Vote and think freely
Living in a free country
My Family and Friends
My testimony
Scriptures to Learn from
Personal Revelation
A Hope for Something better
The Atonement and constant Love of our Saviour Jesus Christ

My list became longer, the longer I sat there and pondered, and so would each of ours if we really thought about it. I think if we sat in one spot and thought about what we have to be grateful for, we could probably sit there forever and the Lord would continually bring more and more to our remembrance of what we have been given.

We owe everything we have to him. Nothing that we have on this earth came from any other place than from our dear Father in Heaven who sent us here.

Brigham Young had much to say (as he always did) on the subject of gratitude...

“I do not know of any, excepting the unpardonable sin, that is greater than the sin of ingratitude”(DBY, 228).
“I might say something with regard to the hard times. You know that I have told you that if any one was afraid of starving to death, let him leave, and go where there is plenty. I do not apprehend the least danger of starving, for until we eat up the last mule, from the tip of the ear to the end of the fly whipper, I am not afraid of starving to death. There are many people who cannot now get employment, but the spring is going to open upon us soon, and we are not going to suffer any more than what is for our good. I am thankful for the hand of the Lord which is visible; I am as thankful for this providence of his as for any that I ever received. I have told you, years ago, my feelings with regard to their sympathies, their faith, gratitude and thankfulness, and their acknowledgement of the hand of the Lord and of the dispensations of his providence. My soul has been grieved to bleeding, to see the waste, and the prodigal feeling of this people in the use of their bountiful blessings. Many have walked them underfoot, and have been ready to curse God who bestowed them. They wanted gold and silver, instead of wheat and corn, and fine flour, and the best vegetables that ever grew upon the earth. They walked them underfoot, and set at nought the choice blessings of the Lord their God”(DNW, 6 Feb. 1856, 4).

Brother Brigham calls ingratitude the next greatest sin to the unpardonable one of denying the Holy Ghost. Why do you think that is? Do you agree with him? If you believe he was a Prophet, then you ought to, for it is true. We are blessed with so much in this world, most of which we do not acknowledge, but take for granted. We take it for granted until it is taken away from us.

I like how Brother Brigham spoke of the saints' reactions to hard times...
It is true that when things are going well for us, we do take for granted what the Lord has blessed us with, but when things turn sour, we turn to him for help. We expect him to “bail us out” as it were. When we humble ourselves before him, he will always be there to help us. He forgives us again and again and THAT is another thing we ought to be eternally grateful for.

Hard times are coming for us at this time in the world...
Anyone who lived through the '80's can see that the boom is very soon coming to an end. I don't mean to sound like an alarmist, but it's true, and ought we to be afraid? Well, in the words of Brother Brigham, “ I do not apprehend the least danger of starving, for until we eat up the last mule, from the tip of the ear to the end of the fly whipper, I am not afraid of starving to death” So ought to be our attitude about the times to come. We live day to day, and we have been warned from the very beginning to be prepared for emergencies. If we have faith, and rely on the Lord, he will provide for us what we need to get through those times to come. For this, we must be grateful. I am not the least bit afraid of the struggles to come.

That's another thing I'm really grateful for... trials. I've had a few in my young life. More than a few, and what I'm grateful for is the things I have learned from them. I know because of former experiences, that everything – no matter how hard it seems at the time can be conquered and gotten through with the help of my Father in Heaven. He got me through, he helped me to learn from the trials. I could have become embittered, however I didn't because he opened my eyes to understanding. I'm now a better person because of the things he's taught me through my experiences.

I am reminded of the Prophet Joseph Smith's experience in Liberty Jail where he was in the very depths of despair. His friends and family and all of the saints were suffering a great deal far from where he was – feeling helpless and alone in the prision with an ironic name. He cried out to the Lord - “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavillion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?...” The Lord's response to his prayer always softens my heart when I read it... “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes, Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job...” then later in the same revelation... “And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou , my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”... then comes the sentence that puts it all into persepective for me... “The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” Found in D&C 121/122.

It is true, that trials and tribulations in our lives contribute to our growth and our refining process. Often in the gospel we hear this term – the refiner's fire... the refiner's fire is the process in which precious metals are separated from the dross (a mass of solid impurities within the metal). Usually this process consists in the application of great heat, in order to bring the mass into a fluid state. That way, the dross can be separated from the finer metals. My bible dictionary describes Christ as “The Great Refiner”. It describes him many other ways as well, but this is one description that draws my attention at this time. Why would the saviour ask us to go through a process that can be so painful? Mainly because he wants us to have the chance to become more like him. No one can comprehend the suffering he went through for us. Not only on the cross, but the actual mental and emotional, also physical anguish he suffered as he offered his great intercessory prayer for us – each of us – and our sins. He wants us to have a chance to become more like him. Though, not one of us will ever have to suffer what he did, he offers us a chance to grow and be perfected as we go through our refining process. This is what I am most grateful for – of anything I have been blessed with. I am eternally and ever grateful for my Saviour and His great Atonement. For he suffered, so that I do not have to, that I may receive Eternal life and live with him one day. All he requires of us, is our humility and our gratitude. What do you think he meant when he said to Joseph - “ And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high”? To endure it well in this case, I believe is to show the Lord our gratitude, and ever be aware of where our blessings come from. To recognize our own weakness, and dependence on him. For – he is the source of all that we have. I hope each of us can ponder the infinite blessings he has bestowed on us this Thanksgiving weekend and forever.

One last scripture I wish to share with you that comes from King Benjamin's speech in Mosiah 2. King Benjamin was a great king in the Book of Mormon who lived the gospel principles and taught his people to live them. He gathered his people together for one last discourse before he died, and taught many things, this is one of the things he taught them... (Mosiah 2: 19-22)

  19 And behold also, if I, whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your Heavenly King!
  20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—
  21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.
  22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

It is true, that what the Lord asks us to do over and over again is to keep his commandments. I feel that this is the best way we can show our gratitude to him. We can thank him verbally in our prayers, and ought to – daily. But, actions always have spoken louder than words, and therefore, the best we can do to show him thanks is to act upon and be obedient to his commandments.

Again, I wish to express to you – my brothers and sisters the importance of gratitude, in truly appreciating where our blessings come from. He is the source, He is the truth, and He is the light. He loves us so very much, and I hope we can all feel that in our hearts daily.

I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen...



So, that was the talk I gave in church today. I hope we can all ponder the meaning of the thanksgiving holiday, and appreciate (as we have been more and more) where our turkey comes from, and where our yams grew, and who provided those blessings. Have a very Happy Thanksgiving. xx

...

P.S., does anybody know where I got this ... from? I've noticed that I'm using the ... alot. I don't know if I did that before, I must have picked that up from someone. I've just noticed, it's everywhere I look. It's weird how I pick things up. I'm going to be totally conscious of it now that I've noticed... - gah there it is again!

This Tuesday the 14th...

Time again, to stand up and be counted as a Canadian Citizen and cast my vote for the candidate I think most suitable to be my MP. It turns out that one of my candidates for MP is also the Prime Minister, so my vote may be an all encompassing one if I so decided to swing my vote in the Conservative Direction. However, I'm not going to talk about what I believe is the best way to vote in this blog, because I believe everybody ought to vote according to their conscience, and I'd rather stay neutral when discussing such an important issue as voting. The problem in this country is that we really don't express our opinion nearly enough. The latest Provincial Election was nothing but heart breaking, as it didn't reflect what Albertans really wanted in my opinion. That's just me - I'm still miserable with the way the Provincial government runs things, heck it's one of the reasons I'm leaving. However, the point I'm trying to make is - that 41% of the voters came out for that one. Pathetic amount of votes. Not even half of the population of Alberta cared enough to cast their ballot. There seems to be a nation wide problem of the same nature. Canadians are feeling somewhat lost in the middle somewhere, the polls swing back and forth, and we've had a minority government for the last 4 years because we really don't know what we want, or perhaps what we want isn't clearly being reflected in the results because not enough of us turn up to do our part. I always vote. Do you know why I always vote? Because if I don't vote, I can't complain, and if I don't vote, I should have no voice in how my country is run because I forfeit my opportunity to do so. I've seen an ad on the train all this week that says... "Just Vote Dammit". I concur whole heartedly. If you're not sure, or if none of the candidates really say anything you agree with, then just choose the one you can tolerate. Seriously, just vote!!! If you don't know where you are to vote or when, then you can find that information here... http://www.elections.ca/content.asp?section=ele&dir=40ge&document=index&lang=e&textonly=false#1

VOTE ON THIS TUESDAY OCTOBER THE 14TH!!! There really is no excuse, I mean - you are legally entitled to time off work to vote. You can leave work early to vote, and if your boss fires you, he/she will be liable. There are advance polls even, I know of 2 friends who have already voted. Seriously - what is keeping you from voting?

There really is no excuse. Also - Canadians - I'm sorry, I am going to express my opinion on this one topic but - the stupid American election campaigning may be really interesting to watch, but - we don't live in the United States. (Thank goodness - no offense American friends) We live in Canada, and how you vote in Canada affects you; not what you watch on CNN or freaking Fox news. We live in Canada. If you love being a Canadian, then you better make being a Canadian count. Vote in your country for your candidates, and forget Barack Obama and Sarah Palin for one day at least please. I really am sick to death of hearing about them.

Right, I've said my piece, but seriously - just vote dammit.

What to do with Winter Squash...

Ok, so even though I had something really big to blog about yesterday, I have something again today, but those who are looking for my big news ought not to look for it in this one, it's in the one below. So, look there...

!!!!!!! I just made the most fantastic Butternut Squash Soup I've ever tasted. Yes, it is a medley of flavor and goodness. To be honest with you, I don't know if I could duplicate it if I tried, because it was all me - roughly following a recipe, and dashing, guessing quantities, etc... My outline was found on epicurious.com. I roughly followed the recipe, but as I said - I messed up on a couple of things, but managed to salvage the soup and make it something - AMAZING!!! I really am not being very modest about the soup - I know, but it's true - amazing. So, roughly, here is what I did...

I bought these 2 lovely Butternut Squash at Community Natural Foods - because I really couldn't resist the lovely squash display they had, and enjoyed the idea of squash filling my soul with the lovely feeling of autumn goodness. I love the autumn, honestly, I think it may be my favorite season. So - there they were, calling my name and I brought them home...



There they were, so I had to find a recipe - found this one on epicurious.com as I said previously. So, I cut them in half - lengthwise, and scooped out the seeds...

They had the most lovely orange color...



Scooped out those lovely seeds, and placed the halves down flat on an oiled baking sheet to bake for 50 minutes. This is what they looked like when they came out - all shiny like that - aren't they beautiful?



So then I skinned the squash with a paring knife - this actually proved a little more difficult than I thought it would be because it was hot and messy. But, the skin itself came off quite easily, and then I cut it into cubes...



So, then came the actual cooking of the soup part - which is where I messed up a little - simply because I didn't read the whole recipe over before beginning, and just dashed and guessed some stuff, anyway, I heated the oil, and added the 2 cups of onions, added the brown sugar and the ginger - which I added quite plentifully - as I'm a huge ginger fan, and really don't think 2 teaspoons is enough. Also, added the garlic (unfortunately all I had was powdered - bleh), and the cinnamon. Again, I didn't have a cinnamon stick, so ended up adding 2 tsp (which turns out to be a lot - haha) of ground cinnamon. If I had read the recipe more closely - I would have seen that the cinnamon stick was to stay in the soup whilst cooking, but then removed later - however, I added the cinnamon powdered. Well, then it made my simmering onions and stuff all dry, so I added more water and a dash more oil. No big deal. How much can you really screw up a squash soup? Hmm? So, then I added the chunks of squash, and the chicken broth...



Brought it to a boil, then let it simmer for 10 minutes. I then blended it to a puree in portions (it produced a monumental amount of soup), and - this is what I ended up with...



It may not look like much, but with a bit of salt - voila - it was possibly the best thing I've ever tasted... Mum and Dad thought so too, they kept coming in the kitchen and saying - good grief something smells good. Mum actually called me a clever girl... (She's in a good mood today) And - honestly - I've impressed myself, and I'm harder on myself than anyone is...

Go - get some winter squash - and experiment for yourself - it is so tasty and full of goodness...

The News...

Ok, here it is then.....

A while back (like 5 or 6 years ago), I toyed with the idea of moving to Scotland. Don't know why Scotland - just always felt drawn there, and I felt a kinship to the people of the country. After all, they're my people. I mean - granted, my people come from all over the UK and Ireland, but for some reason (maybe it's because my name is Scottish) I've always felt closer to the Scots. So, I planned to take a trip there, and did so in 2006. I never really told this to many people, but I wasn't entirely sure I was going to come back from that trip. I was willing to stay, however, I did come home. During the trip, I spent 3 weeks in the city of Dundee. I had an entire month worth of vacation in the country, but spent 3 weeks in this particular city because it was the one in which I was thinking of settling. When I did come back, I was showing my pictures to one of my friends, and she indicated that one of our friends was moving to Scotland - to the very city that I was thinking of. So, I got in touch with this friend, and over the 2 or so years in which he has lived there, I've observed and investigated, poked and prodded him. (my poor guinea pig friend - ;-) - you're so good to me) Anyway, after observing, etc, I feel and have felt some time that the time has come for me to move there. I decided to officially go through with it earlier on in the year, and have taken steps to get there. I sold my car, rearranged my whole budget, have paid a massive amount of my debt off, and am still saving, paying, etc for the actual move. I bought a ticket to fly direct to Glasgow on August 18th with a company called Zoom airlines... Anyone who keeps up with the news will tell you that Zoom went bankrupt on August 28th. So, that presented a challenge for me. It was a bit discouraging for a week or so, but I got my money back, and have purchased a new ticket with a different airline to fly out on December the 10th. May I recommend to all of my friends to ALWAYS buy airfare with your credit cards? Seriously... Yes, I'm moving before Christmas, and yes it's permanent, and yes I can work there (I have dual - you know - British parents), and no I don't have a job lined up. I have faith that I will find work there, and I have a very good friend helping me to look for a place to live - the same one who so graciously allowed me to observe.

So, today, I wrote up my resignation, made a plan with my manager to set the resignation in motion, and then once that was all established, I told all of my co-workers. It felt really really good to get it off my chest, as the news has been official for some time. It is now entirely - world wide - official. I mean - it can't get more official than turning in my notice. It's very much a reality now. It has been, but it's even more real to me now than it was yesterday.

The truth is, there's nothing really holding me back. I'm young (ish), single, and I have my whole life ahead of me. My whole family is quite excited for me - with the exception of one - but she'll just have to get over it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going on a second mission. Perhaps I am in some ways...

Farewell Old Man...

Well, I guess for most of us at the DHCC it feels like the end of an era. I've only been there almost 2 years, but some of our staff have been there for 11, 12, 13 years. Friday was our last day at the Old Colonel Belcher Hospital (or Health on 12th as its currently called) There's one other clinic left there now, and they will be relocating to the Sheldon M. Chumir Centre towards the end of the month. After that, I guess (and what we've heard is) that they're decommissioning the old man. They took down the east wing of the hospital when they started building the SMC building, however, we've been happily using the west wing for quite a while. In fact, I think it is my favorite place - I've ever worked. I like the building (it's quirky, old, and full of stories - and ghosts) though I don't always say I like it - there are days when the temperature is nuts, and has never been normal - either we're hot or cold - no normal temps at the Belcher. I'll miss the location - 12th Ave, and 5th Street - how much better can it get? Restaurants on every corner, tonnes of good places to walk to, shop at, I mean - that's the centre of all the best action for sure... Gosh, I'll miss it. I'll miss my great view of Gerry's 24 hour restaurant. I'll miss reminiscing about the stabbing that happened across from my window. Just kidding - not kidding about the stabbing, just that I'll miss reminiscing about it. I'll even miss my desk.



I'll miss Bill, Stewart, Lori, and all our security staff. I'll miss my wee walk to the Lougheed mansion. I'll even miss Tourette's girl and her daily verbal beatings a little bit. I think she actually missed me a little bit when she didn't see me for a week and exclaimed "oh the B%$@H is back". Ah, how I'll miss that. (I'm being entirely sarcastic in that case - just in case you didn't catch that) But really, I will miss the place terribly. There's few things I really appreciate about Calgary anymore, and the old Belcher is definitely one of them. They're taking him down, just like they take every building in this city down that has any character. There's something wrong with that. But, I'm not going to rant about our wasteful Alberta culture today. No, today, I shall share with you a bit of history about this great building...

This is taken from a page called the Friends of the Colonel Belcher...

Calgary's original Colonel Belcher Hospital opened in 1919 for World War I Veterans. Located in a former warehouse on 8th avenue, the facility was named for Lieutenant Colonel Robert Belcher, a cavalry officer and charter member of the Northwest Mounted Police. After seven years, the hospital united with the Ogden and Sunnyside Veterans' Hospital and moved to a larger location in the same area of Calgary.

With the outbreak of World War II, the hospital moved to its present site on 12th avenue and 4th street SW., which was formerly the Senator Patrick Burns Estate. Ten years later, the hospital was extensively renovated and given a two-wing expansion.

In 1991, the Colonel Belcher was designated a long term care facility exclusively for Canada's World War I, World War II and Korean war Veterans. Today it operates under the auspices of the Calgary Health Region.

So, that's the history of the building, and for a brief summary about our friend the Colonel, I found this on a website about Masonic History Education... (apparently he was a mason - and this would explain the giant lodge on 12th Ave right across from where the old Burns park is)

Colonel Robert Belcher (1849 - 1919)

In Calgary, on 7 June 1919, the Colonel Belcher Hospital was formally opened, to look after soldiers who had been wounded in the first World War. It has continued to serve Alberta for nearly seventy years. Because our country has enjoyed the blessings of peace for several decades, the Hospital has been able to expand its activities beyond war veterans, and is now available to treat other members of the community. It was named for a notable pioneer of the West, a soldier and Freemason, who died just four months before it was opened.

Colonel Robert Belcher was born in London, England, on 23 April 1849. He came to Canada in 1873, and was a charter member of the Mounties. While serving in their ranks he was posted to many parts of the great North West, eventually reaching the rank of Inspector. In 1875 for example he belonged to the party that selected the site on which Fort Calgary was to be built. On 13 September 1880 he married Margaret McLeod of Edmonton, who had arrived there the previous November; she was one of the first white women to settle in the vicinity. Belcher was in charge of a contingent that was sent to preserve order in the Chilkoot Pass at the time of the Yukon Gold Rush (1897 - 1899). During the Boer War he went to South Africa as second-in-command of Lord Strathcona's Horse (1900 - 1902). When he retired from the Mounted Police in 1908, he took a lively interest in promoting public awareness of the militia. In fact, he was the commanding officer of the first militia unit formed in the region, which took the name of the19th Alberta Dragons. During the First World War, at the age of 66, he recruited the 138th Battalion and took it to England. On his return to Canada he was transferred to the Military Hospitals Commission. He died in Calgary on 10 February 1919.

Robert Belcher was initiated into Ancient Freemasonry in Regina, in Wascana Lodge, at that time No. 23 on the Grand Register of Manitoba, on 6 November 1888. In 1894 he became a charter member of North West Mounted Police Lodge, No.61, G.R.M., in Regina, and was its first Master. When the Grand Lodge of Saskatchewan was formed in 1906, the lodge became No. 11 on the new Register, and W. Bro. Belcher was still a member. In 1910, after his retirement from the Mounties, he transferred his membership to Edmonton Lodge, No. 7 on the Grand Register of Alberta, and remained on its rolls for the last ten years of his life. He is buried in Edmonton Cemetery.

So, there you have it, a bit of history about the Old Colonel Belcher, and Colonel Belcher himself - granted - it's been a copy and paste kind of history, but that's better than what I could have come up with myself. The truth is - there's a lot (well a bit anyway) of great history in this province, and we have no idea how all these things got here, and what they were before, and who was here before. Calgary is FAR too big for it's britches now, and I don't like it anymore. It used to have character, and community spirit. It still does have a little, but you have to look close to find it. I know of a few places where you can still find it. However, one of my favorites is now going to be decommissioned. I'll miss you Colonel, and all your friends at the hospital. You'll have to find new haunting grounds now...

Sigh...

Do you ever feel like you have waaay too much to think about? I feel that way lately. Too much to think about, and very little of it can I write about. Sigh. I can write, but it's not the kind of thing you broadcast to the world, you know? Anyway, things lately have been - challenging. I shouldn't be surprised really, considering I am on the verge of a major life change. These sorts of things always happen when life gets to one of those. Now you're all curious about my major life change, well I'm not quite ready to tell everybody in the universe yet, but the only people who really keep up on my blog - probably already know everything about it anyway. However, the details will all come out for everybody in the universe - late next week. So, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, hold your horses. You will soon, and then I'll blog away. I had a really great week-end, and visited some loved ones I haven't seen in a long time. Well, seen, just haven't really spent any quality time with them. Also, I went to the Cardston Temple on Saturday, and enjoyed it very much. For those who don't know much about my religion, the temple is a place where some members of our faith go to receive personal direction, and guidance from God. It's kind of a place set apart from the world, and it's like going on a vacation where it's just you and God. I needed that, and there - I found what I was looking for.



Since then, and since emerging into the real world again, my personal life has become complicated, and I think that the adversity I face is definitely due to the life change I am making. There are those in my immediate acquaintance who do not want me to grow, or change, or live my own life. They never have... Well that's tough beans. I'm moving on, I'm growing, I'm changing, and I'm going to live my life. I know you're all thinking I've become a lesbian or something - rest assured, I've not become a Mormon Lesbian. I'm just doing something I've thought about doing for a very very long time, and frankly, I should have done it a long time ago. However, there is a time for everything, and my time is now. I've had a lot of experiences in my life that have led me to this point, this exodus. I've become a different person than I was before - in many respects - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually (should have mentioned that one first), and perhaps I wasn't ready to move on until now; and that's just what I am doing, regardless of what other people want - so live with it.