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Saturday, 9 May 2009

Book Review: "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo


I admit, I've known about this book for years and years; but never thought about reading it until recently. I haven't seen the movie adaptation of this self-help book that has recently been released in theaters, I just thought that perhaps I would give this book a go - as I've been noticing lately that I REALLY have no idea what men want, or what I've been doing wrong all of these years. It's pretty sad that I'm 33 years old, and still haven't ever really had a normal, healthy relationship with a man. I'm a good person, I'm attractive, I'm not crazy, and I actually have a lot to offer; so for years - it has baffled me. My friend - bless him - said to me "well, you've only just recently lost all of that weight - so really it makes sense that you're not married yet". Honestly - he meant well. That really can not be used as an excuse though - because I do know plenty of girls that are quite obese who are very very happily settled down in relationships with men. So - what's been the problem with me?

Apparently I've been laboring under mistaken impressions all these years. I've been chasing the wrong men - the ones who aren't that into me. I've been chasing period - which was my first mistake. Unfortunately, I've missed out on all of the ones that were into me in the process.

Greg (my new best friend) and Liz have laid it all out in simple terms for us (because men really aren't that complicated)

He's just not into you if...

1. He's not asking you out
2. He's not calling you
3. He's not dating you
4. Not having sex with you (or in my case - not sexually attracted to me - as I don't do pre-marital sex)
5. He's having sex with someone else
6. He only wants to see you if he's drunk (here's a big red flag)
7. He doesn't want to marry you
8. He's breaking up with you
9. He's disappeared on you
10. He's married (or other insane variations of being unavailable)
11. He's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak

Any and all women can present an argument that they think is pretty sound against at least 1 or 2 of these points. Greg has heard every one of these arguments, and he addresses each one - tearing down the wall of excuses that we have made for men all of these years. That's right - we're the one making excuses for them. Apparently in the words of one man - "they just want to be left alone" - this wasn't in the book - it's a direct quote from someone I know.

You know, from the title you might think that this is a book that would make you feel like dirt - thinking of all the stupid things you've done over the years; all because you thought some guy was worth the effort, and even though they didn't put forth any effort to nurture the relationship - you knew they were secretly desperately in love with you - just scared.

Nope, the book doesn't make you feel like crap. Not at all in fact. Greg is right - we are - all of us - superfoxes. Super.Foxes. get it in your head - you are an attractive, sexy woman. Now, stop wasting all that time with some schmuck who isn't into you. Find the great guy who is. That's the basic message of the book, and it's sound. It really is you know.

I stand by what I said before - about the sexual revolution. It's screwed everything up. I really believe that women used to know these things. Somehow - somewhere between Feminist marching and talk shows - we became confused, co-dependent fantasy-laden love junkies. It's ok to want to be in love. We all want to feel like we belong to someone. It's not ok to be a victim of foolish self perpetuated lies and make excuses for men who really aren't worth our attention.

I'm not saying that these guys aren't good people too. (I have many very good friends who are men) I'm just saying that they're not into us. Therefore, they are not worth our efforts.

It's opened up a whole new world of possibility for me. Men - let me say - if you are into me - you better be asking me on dates, because I won't be asking you. I'm an old fashioned girl.

2 comments:

Meg said...

The advice from that book literally changed my life. Amy told me about it and then I put it into practice. Things changed dramatically after that.

Now they need to make a book like that about women for Steve. Girls are tougher characters to figure out though...

kaly said...

What great advice, my friend. All that talk made me think of something I once heard at EFY and my friend and I would say it to each other forever after that. It goes something like this:
Imagine you are produce in the grocery store. You are the gorgeous, bright carrots. You look so good, all water-misted and everything, anyone should want to buy you and take you home. You sit there waiting for the right buyer. Well, many guys come in, but they're looking for the broccoli or the cabbage or the asparagus who sits next to you. They just aren't having that craving for carrots. And still you wait. But one day, a man comes in, and he's not looking for celery, he's not in the mood for eggplant! No, all he has is an insatiable hunger for juicy carrots, and what do you know, you've been waiting the whole time for that one guy to come in.

He will come. And you will be the only one who can satisfy his hunger. You go, carrot girl!